yukie: (Default)
Would the DEPRESSION JUST VACATE ME ALREADY.

I'm really tired of this.

Also, the next arrogant, contemptible worm to call me a child, or treat me as if I were one, is going to bear the full brunt of my cruelty.

(Spare me the 'but you're acting like one' puling. If I were acting like one I'd have abandoned my empathy and verb-flayed you to a little pile of whining mess by now. Swagger in the opposite direction from me.)

I haven't been a child for a long time.

Spare me. Go and DIE. You pathetic swaggering peacock's gigolo. You have NO IDEA WHO I AM. You know only the heap of broken images and stupid assumptions that form 'me' in your limited vapid mind. Get thee hence before I beat you down with my damn sponge mop.

I'm not here to be an ego booster for the wounded who never had to claw their way through recovery pretty much alone. I'm not interested in being the whipping girl for cowards who close ranks and think it's okay to do that to me because someone else did that to them. I'm not going to let people who want a life with no consequences, with all perks and no work, with no FIGHTING act like Im somehow their ineferior because they never saw anything bad happen to me so it can't have, fuck you Ikari wannabe.

I am not what the ignorant think of me.

And I really wish the horrible abdominal cramps would get lost. D:

Urgh urgh urgh quarterly checkup tomorrow I don't wanna do it.
yukie: (Default)
If the idea of something outside your own experience makes you panic bad enough that your first impulse is to call the witness of such things a liar?

You need to grow the fuck up.

"If I can't see you in the dark you can't be you" is bullshit, but a remarkable number of alleged adults go around like this.

"I never saw them hurt you" "I never heard them call you that" "I didn't know" and so on and so on and so on defensive defensive defensive whine whine whine squall squall squall tantrum tantrum tantrum.

Heaven forfend you learn that you aren't the linchpin of the cosmos.

Going "AAAAAAAAAAAAA LALALALALALALALALAAAAAA I CAN'T HEAR YOU I CAN'T hear YOU" wth your eyes closed and your fingers in your ears the second someone mentions that your experience isn't universal should end when one reaches adulthood.

I was familiar with this concept as a small child.

So what-oh-what could the excuse for your nonsense be, my little Shinji-wannabees?

I'm dying to know really.
yukie: (Default)
No, I don't think original fic or RP of original characters is necessarily more creative than/superior to/possessed of more innate merit or value than fanficcing or RPing an existing fandom character.

"BUT FANFIC NEVER GETS PUBLISHED HUUUUUURRRRF" shut up, dimwit, yes it does, you just need to be licenced. XD Yeah, I consider tie-in novels to be in essence licenced fic. If you are deling ith a fandom like Star Wars that has different levels of canonicity depending on what material you're dealing with, the 'licenced fanfic' factor is increased by a lot. Or take X-Files. It had a few tie-in novels to its name and I remember fandom squabbles over their canonicity. That was the first time I saw the phrases 'licenced fanfiction' and 'alternate continuity' and that was way the hell back in '96 or so when Fox had an X-Files BBS and wasn't such a network full of fucking batshit. Generally the person writing the novels is a fan or they wouldn't be doing it (most of the time - sometimes you just have someone writing for cash), and some tie-in novels and expanded canon novels have wretched sues and stus in them equivalent to the derpings of your average teenage fan. I mean, heck - it's not as if official AU/fanfic-type material is directed only at adults (there were those second-person-P.O.V. Game Master books and a few standalone Zelda and Mario ones I recall at the local library - I never read them, but those were sure as nuts not 'mainline canon') and it's surely not exempt from crossovers (Captain N - which played it hella fast and loose with canon more so than the average fanfic).

I mean, heck - consider the expanded Dune universe and the expanded LotR universe. Both of these are books written by the kid of the original author and fandom's reaction to them is uh. Varied. World of Warcraft's got a bunch of tie-in novels and tie-in manga - basically official doujinshi. (These materials are the ones I was thinking about when I was all hurhur sues and stus because one author is really infamous for them, as well as for vastly deviating from the tone of the games and being a sexist numbnutter - and this guy IS officially backed.)

and more! )

Pfeh heh.

Jan. 18th, 2010 08:19 am
yukie: (Default)
In re: this:

I'm not sure why people made it into a social game on LJ anyhow, it seems to me to be fundamentally childish/naive/something like that to have done so. For one, there's different levels of friendship. I do consider some people I've met online to be close friends; I've been dinged for that, but it wasn't as a result of them adding me to their flist on LJ or me adding back and expecting instant closeness - more it was because people I trusted after a considerable amount of time knowing them turning out to be fussy little babies, or wankers, or plain abusive when I didn't remain confined to the little pocket role they assigned me in their lives.

(I don't do niches, babies.)

I've had people think I owe them comments and play stupid little tit for tat grudge games as a result. (Look, if I'm not commenting as often as you want me to, it's not fucking personal, you fucking touchy little whiny whoring BABY. Okay? I just can't think of anything to say. SOME OF YOU, on the other hand, are known for holding shit hostage for comments/reviews, throwing fucking tantrums, and stompity stomping and SWEARING at me when you don't get the replies you think you're entitled to. I know what the fucking silent treatment looks like, child. Fucking grow UP.)

I've had people think they have every right to comment on my life, and very personal aspects of it, because I put them on my friends filter. (See: the attention whoring diphead woman who wanted to lecture me about how much ass sex she had and demand I write to her tastes; the stupid douche who decided out of the blue that she had every right to talk to me and act like she was my domme (because she tended toward toppiness and I played a lot of pushy bottom characters and had discussed interest in bondage as a kink) and DEMAND personal details about my health and sex life and bawwwwwww for ages about how she had a 'very unhealthy fantasy life' with passive-aggressive hints that I was worse.)

tl;dr people think they have a right to fuck with me as they like because they threw me a few treats and because I called them a friend.

Thus, I think I have a much less OPTIMISTIC notion of what the term "friend" connotes.

People reeeeeeally liked to call me their friend and think I owed them being a verbal firing range target in return. Add that onto the dim little kids who tied to use the term 'best friend' like a fishing lure to make people jump at their back and call and - yeah.

Ah, fucked-up relationships. How they leave us with twitchy, twitchy brains. :D

This isn't about anyone who can see it, obviously. Call me a wimp for that if you like, but then consider that I learn FAST and think about all the fuckers I've learned FROM and you'll see why I'm afraid of losing my temper and verbshanking fools.
yukie: (Default)
Yes, I DO think I am entitled to be fucking angry with people who call themselves my friends in spite of having fucking verbally abused me and dicked me around OFTEN to bolster their egoes.

I am very sorry that y'all had abusive partners, dudes? But I don't give a FUCK about whatever goddamned rationale you're going to feed me for having done that to me. You think it was SAFE It FUCKING WAS NOT. You've probably never seen me go off hardcore; it's not fucking pretty and I'm not saying that to brag. I am a VILE person hen I'm angry and if you thought you stupid fucking exes were horrible you have never ever seen me tear into people's weak points with rusty shit.

Fuckers, you did not have the right to do that to me. EVER. And you have no idea how badly I want revenge on some of you. NO. FUCKING. IDEA.

You had no right to do that to me. Your fuckhead partners were bastards, but I AM NOT YOUR FUCKHEAD PARTNERS, SO YOU HAD NO FUCKING, FUCKING RIGHT TO TREAT ME THE WAY YOU DID.

I know I'm never going to get an apology from you cowards either.

You're disgusting.

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