rough silly cute thing: " A Glass Canvas"

[yukie]

Revenge of the son of the Kupop tourist in Bermuda shorts and a ludicrous aloha shirt!

This is rough and probably will be part of a bigger chunk of something but damn it they were being cute, so yeah.

The BGM I had going while I wrote it is McVaffe's Weepy Loop, which is not at all as sad as its title may imply and reminds me a hell of a lot of Vicky. Spin it while you read for atmosphere!

Xav belongs to Kyl but on occasion he lounges on my porch. XD

Watch for typos as ever. For once it's G rated!

***


"What are you doing?"

Vicky looked up from the pile of twisted wire and broken stone she was slowly picking through. "Looking for the remains of the windows." The chapel had been one of the first things to be attacked (out of spite, no doubt), and its ancient stained glass windows were, of course, reduced to smithereens. Vicky was gathering up all these pieces. She had a fairsized bag full now; when she brought them back to the workshop, she s
sorted them by colour.

They'd be melted down into new sheets of glass, and eventually, the windows would be remade. Certainly, there would be pieces missing - some ground to powder too fine to be of use, some slagged by fire magic. But those could be supplemented by new glass.

'Does anyone know you're doing this, at all?"

"Sydney might. Jeremiah does. If anyone else knows" - Vicky brightened and made a grab for something brilliant blue that caught the sunlight - "they don't mind or don't especially care."

"Won't they request that a more well-known artisan do such? What will you do if they request that you step down?"

Vicky was quiet a while, watching him.

"I'll make my case as best I can, I suppose, but if they'd rather someone else, then that's how it goes. Most of the old artisans are fine with assistance - hell, all of them had a ton back in the day. I wasn't planning to do this alone, but I was hoping to be the project head. if they'd rather I not..."

She turned the blue glass over and over in her hand. It had once been a part of the Dark Lady's window - her night sky.

"I'll step down."

'Why should you have to?" He picked his way over the rubble to stand near her.

"...Well, if it makes them happy..."

"Your happiness matters just as much." He crouched to pick up a piece of pale rosy glass. It was a petal of one of the sacred roses, fully intact.
"And you'll do a wonderful job. I've seen your work. There's no reason to switch to an older artisan but for the prestige of having a famous name on the work."

Vicky rubbed the pad of her thumb over the cobalt glass. "I suppose."

"You only suppose?"

"...I've never really - I mean. I've pushed before, certainly, and I'll push as hard as I can to remain the project head, but if it's not possible, it's not possible." She smiled wanly. "I'm - a placeholder again, I suppose. Until something or someone better comes. I have talent. I won't deny it. I'd do a beautiful job. My very best work. But if it comes to names that matter, I'd lose out. I'm a minor Fair noble. I'm not going to kid myself."

She put the blue glass in the bag; a red fragment and a green sliver followed.

"I'm no one in particular. And I don't have to be. I'm being selfish and immature, probably, digging in my heels like this."

"I don't think you are."

"That's kind of you to say." Her smile brightened at that. She did believe him. "I know you mean it. But - well - life is what it is. if I lose out, I I lose out. I'll be happy for whoever takes over, and I'll work with them. I know all the old artisans here, they're all good people. it doesn't mean I won't be envious, but it won't stop me from being happy with what I have, and won't stop me for being happy for them."

"I think you're giving up too easily."

"A losing battle isn't one I like to fight for too long." Vicky stood, moving toward where the altar once stood. A brilliant scattering of golden-yellow glass lay there. "It's a waste of my time and energy, and besides I need to learn to let go."

She sounded rather resigned, and he had a feeling she wasn't just discussing the window any more.

"Victoria, who have you been talking to?"

"No one now," she replied. "There were a few days where I was talking with someone I'd rather have not been. And I learned about what he feared as much as he learned what i do. Opening your heart's eye works both ways." Gradually, the sunburts of glass on the ground vanished into the canvas bag slung over Vicky's shoulder. "Be that as it may, there was probably a valid point in amongst the - twaddle."

She sat back on her heels.

"There are some battles I've lost before they ever begin."

"...What did he say to you."

Vicky looked down at the glass dust, the pieces that were not salvageable. "That it was inevitable I'd lose out. Be replaced. Forgotten. I'm only as divine as any of the Fair court - and not even that, since I'm mixed blood. By comparison, I'm - I don't amount to much. and I know it."

She glanced back at him with an unreadable expression.

"I wish, though, that I could let it go more easily. If I know I've lost, I should stop trying."

She stood.

"I'm - a temporary bastion, until someone better comes. I've never been anything more, and I knew it from the beginning, i think. And I'm selfish, because I want to be more than that. I'm tired of being the one left. I suppose that's - I mean, I know why this bothers me so much. I won't bore you getting into it. But either way? This time, I want more than anything to stay. and I know how impossible that is."

She ran a hand through her hair.

"And I keep fighting anyhow, like an idiot - I guess this time I want to wait until I'm absolutely beaten before I give up."

"What makes you think you're destined to lose?"

Vicky eyed him.

"I," she said, "am no one in particular reborn. I am not sought after. I am not divine. There are more reasons and I'd rather not talk about this because it upsets me."

"...Did he tell you I would leave you for - "

"Whether he did or not, you know as well as I do that it's likely." Vicky turned and walked a few more feet. "...ugh, this is all slagged. I could chip it off the stone, but it's all run together - I don't think this is technically a colour any more."

'Victoria - "

"Yes?"

"it's not inevitable."

Vicky stared at him. Then, in a very small, quiet voice, "That isn't funny."

"I speak the truth and you should know - did you just close your Eye at me?"

"Yes. Well, no - it's as much at the residual emotive mess here as at you. But yes, it's closed, I'm sorry."

"Why have you done that?"

"I don't want to see anything fade." She looked up at the remains of a window - the bottom of the Dark Lady's was surprisingly intact. "When feelings - stop, the colour fades like something left in the sun. It fades, and then it's gone. Seeing that is difficult."

"Why do you think it will fade?"

"You're not just going to abandon what you strove for since childhood. Maybe I'm naive in some ways, but I'm not silly enough to believe that it works that way. You started liking me by accident. I know that at first it was just - I was pleasant company, and useful. You probably didn't mean to get as close as you did."

"Do you think I regret that?"

"No," Vicky answered. "But I'm not her. I never will be. I cannot equal that person. I - "

She turned away, but not quick enough that he didn't see the sudden pained look on her face.

"I'm - nowhere in your heart. I can never be anything more than dalliance. A diversion. I won't kid myself."

"Victoria, please look at me."

She shook her head. "I don't want you to see me being an idiot."

"Grieving for what you believe has been lost for good isn't being an idiot."

"What I believe is lost," she echoed, and glanced back at him. "You're saying it hasn't been lost."

"No. It's not lost."

"Not yet."

"Why," he asked, "do you think it would be easy for me to lose it?"

"You have someone better."

"What would you do," he asked, "if I told you that I say there is no 'better' or 'worse', no superior and inferior, when it comes to your place in my heart as opposed to others I love?"

She stared at him, eyes enormous.

"Did you just - that word, you meant it - "

"So your Eye's open again?"

"Curiosity got the better of me."

"I'm glad it did." He smiled. "Yu can see that it's not faded, now, can't you?"

She nodded once, still wide-eyed. '"It got brighter. I mean. It's a purer hue. ...I mean of course I'm not really seeing colour, I - my mind translates it that way - it makes the intangible visible - but it hasn't gone. It hasn't lessened. You still like me and you weren't simply using that word lightly?"

"What word?" he asked with a somewhat impish grin.

He watched her stumble over it a few times. Finally she managed, "Love, I mean. You meant it."

"Yes. and I hope you return it."

She stared at him for a moment, then said, "Why did you think I was so upset at the prospect of you LEAVING? If I didn't love you back I wouldn't have been so afraid!"

"I'm glad to hear it," he said, and he was. he was aware that he was smiling, and likely looked very silly with such a giddy look on his face - indeed, if anyone saw him now, his reputation as The Superior would be shot to hell. He didn't rightly care, though. 'I wish I'd heard it sooner, however."

She set down the bag of glass fragments, picked her way across the ruin to him, and - well. He hadn't expected her to step up on that fallen stone to put her at eye-level with him. He definitely hadn't expected her to kiss him - and certainly not THAT soundly.

/i didn't know if you'd laugh at me for saying that i love you,/ she said and the words were as ever traced over his awareness as if by the tip of a feather. /and i didn't think you would, or could, love me back. so i didn't say anything./

/Why would you think I couldn't?/

/i didn't know there was enough room in your heart for more than just that one./

/Of course there is./ He (reluctantly) drew back to look at her. "Love isn't a limited supply."

"I know. I mean. I should know better."

"It's difficult," he sighed, "with someone like that nattering away. it's best to ignore him. It's the voice of his envy and fear, not the truth."

"I should know that." Vicky hadn't removed her arms from around his shoulders. "Some days, it's difficult. even without him there, my mind's - my confidence isn't wonderful."

"I more than understand what you mean," Xavier snorted. 'believe me."

"I do." Vicky stepped offf the rock. "...Will you help me with this until it gets too dark for us to see? I'll make you tea in return."

"You needn't bribe me with tea," he said. "I was fully planning to stay, if you'd have me."

He got kissed again. Well - this was a night going much better than he expected.

/of course i will. and i was planning to dragoon you into helping me with the windows, too?/

Startled, he asked, /Are you quite certain you want me to...?/

/hey, you were the one who was talking abut penance. you broke a bunch of these; you get to fix them now. is that fair?/

He leaned in, rather absurdly happy now. /More than fair./

She purred at him. /it's going to be hard work. don't think i'll let you off easy./

/I don't mind harsh taskmistresses./

Vicky was the one to pull back this time, however reluctantly. "...Thank you. For reassuring me, I mean."

"Thank you for believing me. You admittedly haven't any real reason to do so, but you did anyhow."

"I can see that you're telling the truth. And - even if you'd told me I didn't mean anything to you - I would have known better."

"I wouldn't be able to say such a thing and convince anyone," Xavier started, then broke off and stooped suddenly. "Ah - here - "

Vicky perked. "That's another petal from the roses. A lot of them seem to be intact. So does the Dark Lady's window, and the Lady of Chaos. Probably because they're smaller and angled, they didn't bear the brunt of whatever happened. Either way, we'll be able to salvage most of the glass. I won't have to do much replacement work at all. We can even take the old caning we find, and melt that down again."

"This is why I think they'd be mad to try to replace you," Xavier said, smiling as he pressed the glass petal into her hand gently. "You care a great deal for this project - and indeed I fear for anyone who'd try to hinder you."

Vicky kissed his cheek. "I'm going to fight as long as I can to remain the project head. I loved this place - it was sanctuary for me when I felt like I belonged exactly nowhere. Everyone else seems to have forgotten about it, but...well, Sydney said that faith and nourishment for the soul is just as important as shelter and food for the body. So I'll help with providing the former as much as I do the latter."

Xavier was quiet a moment. Then, 'You're quite certain you want my help?"

"Very certain." Vicky grinned at him. "Like I said, penance - and you're not a person with a tainted soul or any such nonsense. Did you do unthinking, unkind things, yes - but you realize this, and you want to make amends. That's good enough for me, to say that you're a decent person. So stop worrying and help me find window pieces? Please?"

Xavier kissed the top of her head. "As you wish," he replied.

***

...you dork you westley'd.

And Vicky has an occasionally-vanishing ego. There's a reason for this that I will go into, but for now - yeah.

Silly cute thing!

LA LA LA THE ROUGHNESS OH GOD AND THE TYPOS oh well I needed some cute. XD