Yufie seems to have repeatedly face-poolnoodled a ton of people I know.
But yeah. It's like - I know death is an awkward subject, I know people aren't often sure what to say (because I'm sorry can sound like i means nothing), but it feels honestly like I'm expected to give my all, all the time, for EVERYBODY, and when bad things happen to me I'm to bite my tongue and shut up and endure because asking for help is so ~*selfish of me*~ and mourning is *~*such a downer to other people*~*...
Touchy babies. Dear, sweet touchy babies. NO ONE likes to think about mortality, but if I've been doing it since I was twelve, surely you biggum stwongz peepul can do bettah den dis widdle kweempufft (she said, pointedly eyeing the helium-heads who think they're the only REAL person on earth and/or that my taking joy in small things makes me a fucking idiot)?
tl;dr when the shit comes down, I have precious few who give a damn. People will defend racists against me, lolifucks against me, homophobes against me - I'm not allowed to be angry or mourn - I have to beg and grovel for fucking years to get a halfassed apology -
I've discovered recently that a ton of my 'friends' are not, and probably never were.
People say 'you make it look easy' and 'i didn't know you needed help, you always seem to be okay alone' and on and on... It looks easy because I've had a lot of practice. A LOT OF PRACTICE.
It's not a crime for me to mourn or say that I need someone, and the next person who implies that it is - seriously, I'm going to go 'fuck it' and let Sirian eat them.
My grandmother was a real person, and so am I. Solipsist fucks online can get bent.
My sorrow is real. I am real. Yes, these -are- real tears, sez Alice.
All the powers of creation will not be able to save the people who pretend otherwise.
(Yes, I am ranting now (though not at you, unless you've suddenly turned to Shinji Ikari style solipsism, in which case I will drop a giant robot on you XD). No, I'm not sorry. It's my GD journal. Y'all are the ones who told me I didn't have to be sorry for ranting. XD Thank you for that.)
no subject
But yeah. It's like - I know death is an awkward subject, I know people aren't often sure what to say (because I'm sorry can sound like i means nothing), but it feels honestly like I'm expected to give my all, all the time, for EVERYBODY, and when bad things happen to me I'm to bite my tongue and shut up and endure because asking for help is so ~*selfish of me*~ and mourning is *~*such a downer to other people*~*...
Touchy babies. Dear, sweet touchy babies. NO ONE likes to think about mortality, but if I've been doing it since I was twelve, surely you biggum stwongz peepul can do bettah den dis widdle kweempufft (she said, pointedly eyeing the helium-heads who think they're the only REAL person on earth and/or that my taking joy in small things makes me a fucking idiot)?
tl;dr when the shit comes down, I have precious few who give a damn. People will defend racists against me, lolifucks against me, homophobes against me - I'm not allowed to be angry or mourn - I have to beg and grovel for fucking years to get a halfassed apology -
I've discovered recently that a ton of my 'friends' are not, and probably never were.
People say 'you make it look easy' and 'i didn't know you needed help, you always seem to be okay alone' and on and on... It looks easy because I've had a lot of practice. A LOT OF PRACTICE.
It's not a crime for me to mourn or say that I need someone, and the next person who implies that it is - seriously, I'm going to go 'fuck it' and let Sirian eat them.
My grandmother was a real person, and so am I. Solipsist fucks online can get bent.
My sorrow is real. I am real. Yes, these -are- real tears, sez Alice.
All the powers of creation will not be able to save the people who pretend otherwise.
(Yes, I am ranting now (though not at you, unless you've suddenly turned to Shinji Ikari style solipsism, in which case I will drop a giant robot on you XD). No, I'm not sorry. It's my GD journal. Y'all are the ones who told me I didn't have to be sorry for ranting. XD Thank you for that.)