a really awesome excerpt from "Our Stories Remember", a book about Native American History. (not a group of people of which I am an in-group member.)
"It was a hot Oklahoma day and we were in Lance's Jeep Renegade, on our way to do a writing workshop for Indian inmates at MacAllister Prison. Seemingly out of nowhere (though I know there had to be a context for it), Lance turned to me and asked, "Joe, are you carrying around any guilt about anything?"
I thought about it for a minute, maybe longer. Silence is a pretty good thing to seek help from when you get asked a tough question like that. Finally I had my answer. "No," I said. "I'm not."
Lance smiled at that. "Brother, that's good," he said. "One of my elders asked me once what you should do with a cup of water that is not good to drink." He held his hand as if holding that cup and then tipped it over, pouring it out. "That's the Cheyenne way."
Don't keep carrying something is of no use to anyone.
And what does that have to do with the pages that follow? Simply this: that an awful lot of Americans fel guilt about what their ancestors did to American Indians. That guilt either makes them feel sad or it makes them angry and ready to deny it. It makes them turn away from the truth because they find it too painful or don't want to accept it. Guilt works that way. It clouds your vision with sorrow or twists your thoughts with defensive anger." (Our Stories Remember: Page 7)
I think there's a lot of truth to what you say and I think the split chicken analogy is a good one.
At the same time, I think that minorities (including the minorities I am a member of) have to be careful with their own [righteous] defensive anger. It encourages people (including myself) sitting in the privileged seat to turn on the defensiveness that comes from guilt, that comes from a feeling of powerlessness to portray people of a certain group fairly or deal with them. It encourages people of privileged to stop dealing with them at all, to burn bridges instead of crossing them. When you bring someone a box of chicken and spill it all over them, saying sorry is the right thing to do. But when someone responds with, "What kind of asshole carries around chicken! Clearly you're too clumsy to even try carrying around plate of food!" all that remains is the anger that the chicken was for them, that your good intentions are being spit on. That makes you not want to say sorry. that makes you not want to buy chicken for that person ever again--that is, why should I make "The Princess and the Frog", put my best foot forward to portray a minority in a fair and nuanced way, when what I get is this (http://hollywood-animated-films.suite101.com/article.cfm/frog_princess_damage_control)? If I had stuck with a white princess, there would be grumbling, but just the sort of grumbling that comes from a group of people who are just getting what they expect again.
It's true that it's not fair for people who are being shat on to to have to smile and put their best foot forward when they feel they're being shat on again. But at the same time, if their reaction is anger, you will only ever get anger and defensiveness in return. Sadly, in order to stop the cycle, it is usually the victims of ism who have to invite the perpetrators to empty their cups.
I want to share...
"It was a hot Oklahoma day and we were in Lance's Jeep Renegade, on our way to do a writing workshop for Indian inmates at MacAllister Prison. Seemingly out of nowhere (though I know there had to be a context for it), Lance turned to me and asked, "Joe, are you carrying around any guilt about anything?"
I thought about it for a minute, maybe longer. Silence is a pretty good thing to seek help from when you get asked a tough question like that. Finally I had my answer. "No," I said. "I'm not."
Lance smiled at that. "Brother, that's good," he said. "One of my elders asked me once what you should do with a cup of water that is not good to drink." He held his hand as if holding that cup and then tipped it over, pouring it out. "That's the Cheyenne way."
Don't keep carrying something is of no use to anyone.
And what does that have to do with the pages that follow? Simply this: that an awful lot of Americans fel guilt about what their ancestors did to American Indians. That guilt either makes them feel sad or it makes them angry and ready to deny it. It makes them turn away from the truth because they find it too painful or don't want to accept it. Guilt works that way. It clouds your vision with sorrow or twists your thoughts with defensive anger." (Our Stories Remember: Page 7)
I think there's a lot of truth to what you say and I think the split chicken analogy is a good one.
At the same time, I think that minorities (including the minorities I am a member of) have to be careful with their own [righteous] defensive anger. It encourages people (including myself) sitting in the privileged seat to turn on the defensiveness that comes from guilt, that comes from a feeling of powerlessness to portray people of a certain group fairly or deal with them. It encourages people of privileged to stop dealing with them at all, to burn bridges instead of crossing them. When you bring someone a box of chicken and spill it all over them, saying sorry is the right thing to do. But when someone responds with, "What kind of asshole carries around chicken! Clearly you're too clumsy to even try carrying around plate of food!" all that remains is the anger that the chicken was for them, that your good intentions are being spit on. That makes you not want to say sorry. that makes you not want to buy chicken for that person ever again--that is, why should I make "The Princess and the Frog", put my best foot forward to portray a minority in a fair and nuanced way, when what I get is this (http://hollywood-animated-films.suite101.com/article.cfm/frog_princess_damage_control)? If I had stuck with a white princess, there would be grumbling, but just the sort of grumbling that comes from a group of people who are just getting what they expect again.
It's true that it's not fair for people who are being shat on to to have to smile and put their best foot forward when they feel they're being shat on again. But at the same time, if their reaction is anger, you will only ever get anger and defensiveness in return. Sadly, in order to stop the cycle, it is usually the victims of ism who have to invite the perpetrators to empty their cups.