I think the other problem with the "Have cake and eat it too" is that sometimes, not being able to do both is simply a better story. It's not only less annoying, and less problematic - it's simply a more interesting story.

I don't know - I always think that conflicts in fanfic tends to be handled poorly. You've got the "everyone's wrong but me" sliding into character bashing or pointless angst. You have the "happy sunshine butterflies" sliding into saccharine stickiness. You have the "It's a utopia / Captain Awesome" but it's anything but -

I wonder if it's just hard to see the problems in it?