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lol ew
See, part of the reason why I'm so upset about not being able to see Dr. T again is sometimes it honestly feels like my fear and pain is a joke to everyone else.
I'm not SUPPOSED to be weak/be triggered/be sad/get scared/be lonely, I'm supposed to be strength for the worthy and the anointed and let them beat the shit out of me and dick around with me whenever they want because they couldn't fight back against the people who were actually harming them, I'm not supposed to have a past or wants or needs of my own -
- You know what, this is what leads to getting one's brain munched by Excalibur's fucking evil twin or something. The weight gets to be too much, the fear of failure gets too big, the idea that you're nothing if you show a single milligram of weakness eats your fucking brain because you're supposed to be this pillar of fortitude, and it gets to the point when even the most untrustworthy dick who tells you 'it could be easier if you do this' looks like a saint.
Either way you end up batshit crazy either from the pressure or something else.
I don't have to put up with that.
I exist and my pain is real. People can live in denial of that until the cows come home. All that'll get them is me out of their lives. The next time anyone decides my being hurt is worthy of mockery, I'm leaving.
If that means I end up alone in the end so fucking be it; I'd rather be alone than be everyone's joke.
I'm not SUPPOSED to be weak/be triggered/be sad/get scared/be lonely, I'm supposed to be strength for the worthy and the anointed and let them beat the shit out of me and dick around with me whenever they want because they couldn't fight back against the people who were actually harming them, I'm not supposed to have a past or wants or needs of my own -
- You know what, this is what leads to getting one's brain munched by Excalibur's fucking evil twin or something. The weight gets to be too much, the fear of failure gets too big, the idea that you're nothing if you show a single milligram of weakness eats your fucking brain because you're supposed to be this pillar of fortitude, and it gets to the point when even the most untrustworthy dick who tells you 'it could be easier if you do this' looks like a saint.
Either way you end up batshit crazy either from the pressure or something else.
I don't have to put up with that.
I exist and my pain is real. People can live in denial of that until the cows come home. All that'll get them is me out of their lives. The next time anyone decides my being hurt is worthy of mockery, I'm leaving.
If that means I end up alone in the end so fucking be it; I'd rather be alone than be everyone's joke.