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Let me splain etc.
So as I was colouring 369084 bajillion tiny houses at work, it hit me what brought on my weird regretful mood this morning and what got me mopey about past relationships.
I found out last night that P, the artist formerly known as my fiancé, has his own place. And that's FUCKING AWESOME. I mean, he was trying for ages to get one here and it drove him nuts that he couldn't, but now he's got this house out in NB. And I'm super freaking happy for him!
But I'm also kinda sad because this represents that entire chapter in my life ending for good. He's not coming back here, I'm not going out there, we've both moved on, there are no remaining dangly threads. Tomorrow I'm going to NYC to see my girlfriend. P's house is almost totally fixed up and he's getting ready to move into it.
It's really over; we've both moved on. We're still friends but anything of the relationship we had when we were engaged is gone.
That was over ten years of my life I spent with this guy, and I don't regret any of it, and I don't regret ending it because we both needed to. He was gonna get destroyed at his godawful job and I'd just moved in here. We grew apart and fell out of love.
Neither of us need to feel guilty. And I'm not used to that.
I'm staring into this future I never could have predicted and I'm a little terrified! XD
But it's a good kind of scared.
I'm sort of grieving the very very end of something here; it didn't hit me that I was until I was Zen over those tiny houses, and then the solution jumped up and slapped my head. That was why I was kind of down.
P is one of the few people in my life who just took me as I was and didn't try to decide for me what I should be. (Neither does Kyl or JDub, and I'm beyond grateful. Sometimes we spaz at each other but it's never serious. That's what happens when you're close to people, lol XD) What I had with him's done. He's still my friend, but - yeah.
There's no guilt. Just this broad empty open space in front of me full of potential. And there are awesome people there with me at the gate, and one of them I love to pieces and I'm going to get to hug her tomorrow omgomgomg. XD
Saying goodbye for good to what you always thought your life would be can hurt, and the future can be scary, but it's seriously all right. I can move on without guilt. I can become anything I like. There are no fences around me and I don't have to wear these old roles that don't fit me any more.
IT'S REALLY WEIRD AND I KINDA LIKE IT. XD
So I'll leave who I was behind me, and walk forward.
I found out last night that P, the artist formerly known as my fiancé, has his own place. And that's FUCKING AWESOME. I mean, he was trying for ages to get one here and it drove him nuts that he couldn't, but now he's got this house out in NB. And I'm super freaking happy for him!
But I'm also kinda sad because this represents that entire chapter in my life ending for good. He's not coming back here, I'm not going out there, we've both moved on, there are no remaining dangly threads. Tomorrow I'm going to NYC to see my girlfriend. P's house is almost totally fixed up and he's getting ready to move into it.
It's really over; we've both moved on. We're still friends but anything of the relationship we had when we were engaged is gone.
That was over ten years of my life I spent with this guy, and I don't regret any of it, and I don't regret ending it because we both needed to. He was gonna get destroyed at his godawful job and I'd just moved in here. We grew apart and fell out of love.
Neither of us need to feel guilty. And I'm not used to that.
I'm staring into this future I never could have predicted and I'm a little terrified! XD
But it's a good kind of scared.
I'm sort of grieving the very very end of something here; it didn't hit me that I was until I was Zen over those tiny houses, and then the solution jumped up and slapped my head. That was why I was kind of down.
P is one of the few people in my life who just took me as I was and didn't try to decide for me what I should be. (Neither does Kyl or JDub, and I'm beyond grateful. Sometimes we spaz at each other but it's never serious. That's what happens when you're close to people, lol XD) What I had with him's done. He's still my friend, but - yeah.
There's no guilt. Just this broad empty open space in front of me full of potential. And there are awesome people there with me at the gate, and one of them I love to pieces and I'm going to get to hug her tomorrow omgomgomg. XD
Saying goodbye for good to what you always thought your life would be can hurt, and the future can be scary, but it's seriously all right. I can move on without guilt. I can become anything I like. There are no fences around me and I don't have to wear these old roles that don't fit me any more.
IT'S REALLY WEIRD AND I KINDA LIKE IT. XD
So I'll leave who I was behind me, and walk forward.
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