Impostor syndrome blows.
Nov. 25th, 2009 11:14 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
yukieLike. There is no word in any language - dead, living, conlang or yet to come - that can describe how goddamned much Impostor syndrome BLOWS.
Seriously - constantly feeling like you'll never measure up, that you're just pretending to be kind or funny or smart - that it's all smoke and mirrors and some day someone's gonna come along and skirtflip the girl behind the curtain. That you're taking up space that rightfully belongs to someone else. That everyone is looking at you, and everyone KNOWS what you really are, and they're just waiting for the right time to ditch.
I was reading a friend's fanfic from circa 2001 before she knew me and it just made me go like, 'this is a world I was never part of; I'm a transient guest, and when I go, I won't leave much in the way of proof I was there; I'm inconsequential.' And that led into 'sooner or later she - and everyone else - is going to realize that I'm no great shakes and politely leave.'
Depression and the weather aren't helping.
Normally, tiny little shit doesn't do this to me.
It'll pass.
I really wish I could evict it for good.
Seriously - constantly feeling like you'll never measure up, that you're just pretending to be kind or funny or smart - that it's all smoke and mirrors and some day someone's gonna come along and skirtflip the girl behind the curtain. That you're taking up space that rightfully belongs to someone else. That everyone is looking at you, and everyone KNOWS what you really are, and they're just waiting for the right time to ditch.
I was reading a friend's fanfic from circa 2001 before she knew me and it just made me go like, 'this is a world I was never part of; I'm a transient guest, and when I go, I won't leave much in the way of proof I was there; I'm inconsequential.' And that led into 'sooner or later she - and everyone else - is going to realize that I'm no great shakes and politely leave.'
Depression and the weather aren't helping.
Normally, tiny little shit doesn't do this to me.
It'll pass.
I really wish I could evict it for good.