Because that's smart.

Best way to get me from zero to phoenix backhand in half a second?

Condescend to me.

Seriously. I'm not your child, your student, your acolyte or some kind of naive little puffball whose life has been and continues to be effortless - yea, verily, a a medley of extemporanea! - so let's just shove the headpatting, slow-talking, cooing bullshit back up our noses where it came from, shall we?

That shit grates on me like nothing else, fucking hell.

Maybe I'm small, maybe I am easily amused and easily made happy, MAYBE I'M NOT YOU SO MY LIFE CAN'T POSSIBLY BE REAL AND MY EXPERIENCES VALID OR SOME SHIT, but I'm really, REALLY not going to put up with that any more. I'm luckier than many, but that doesn't mean my problems aren't real or that life is this pastel-coloured strawberry-flavoured idyll, for fuck's sakes almighty. Are you stupid? Get someone else to be the little daughter when you play house. This fucking bitch is through.

I put up with it until now but the part of me that thought she deserved it is dead and gone. You don't have her to toy with and fuck around any more. How about that? Gonna cry?

Things are gonna be a little fucking bit different now.

The next person to talk to me as if I am a particularly stupid baby is going to be told to knock that shit off and stop talking to me until they possess the fucking spine necessary to relate to me as another adult. I am not obligated to confine myself to the little box you put me in, cowards. If it scares you so god damned much to have to relate to me as an equal, TOO FUCKING BAD.

Cry more, and don't expect me to share my kleenex. My sinuses are beating up my nose again and I need that shit.