so run down.

I'm tired of being the scapegoat.

I'm tired of insomnia.

I'm tired of living my life as if I'm on parole.

I'm tired of different sets of rules for me.

I'm tired of dreams where I get abandoned and I die but don't even get the benefit of staying dead.

I'm tired of never being enough.

I'm tired of it being okay for people to hurt me because they couldn't fight back against the person who hurt them.

I'm tired of it being all right to want me beaten down.

I'm tired of people wanting me to fall back and disappear so they can shine.

You wanted me to disappear; what will you do if I am really gone?

I want to go away from here. I want to vanish. I want to pack everything that was my life up in boxes and go far, far away from what I used to be. Change my name. Go where no one knows me. Live out the rest of my life with cats for company since obviously I'm so very unworthy of other people.

I want my sanctuary back.

I want trees and water and stone.

I want my friends back.

I want my courage back.

I don't want this broken thing that I am any more.

I dont want to be me any more.

I want to go away from here.

I'm not here. I'm not here. I'm not here and I'm no one. I am gone.

I died, and I am gone, and you will grieve, and then forget.

Maybe then I'll be free.

i am not suicidal. don't worry. i'm just very, very sad. i will talk to someone who can help, and it will pass.