uhm lol

Every so often I get an acquaintance or a relative or something (like for example the two high school people on facebook who keep bugging me and trying to guilt trip me and bluh bluh) completely flipping their goddamn enchilada when it "comes to light" that

-I am a nubsauce (how is this even a new thing, I am resplendent with nubquarks visible to the naked eye)
-I have no taste in much of anything at all (well, duh, the presence of cheesy Eurobeat on my iPod should have been a giveaway and I hardly hide that)
-My fashion sense is negligible (again how is this a new thing I am symbiotic with hoodies)
-I eat weird things (because I totally deceived you into thinking this wasn't hawaiian pizza except when I didn't)
-I'm 'mainstream' (because WoW apparently, or because my experience with X is actually for once the norm)
-I'm immature (the puns weren't obvious enough?)
-I'm lazy (oh my god if you missed this you're just slow)
-My health is sometimes not great (obvs someone wasn't listening when I was kvetching about the migraines or the pollution dislodging my bronchioles, that's not really my fault you weren't paying attention)
-My mental health is still not that great (therapy and medication isn't a goddamn magic wand, I'm gonna be fighting with my brain for a good long a while...and if you don't like that, or you don't like that I don't hide that, tough beans, and also the door is that way)
-I can't communicate for crap sometimes (again, if you missed this YOU ARE INCREDIBLY UNOBSERVANT XD)
-I make daft mistakes because my brain's elsewhere (how anyone misses these is beyond me)
-I'm not psychic (this is less common, but--nope, sorry, my hereditary spookity is minimal)
-My homelife was sometimes stupid and I have issues (maybe it wasn't as crap as some people had it but a constant little trickle of water can still wear holes in rocks, just sayin')
-I am a stubborn bitch (I wear a NEON SIGN that says this FFS, if you missed THIS one something is really the matter on your end)
-I have depression-ate-my-head/bad brain days that I sometimes cannot power through by being a stubborn bitch (sorry, I can't yell at my serotonin--and much as it makes me hate myself that I cannot always be there for people and I am sometimes a shitty support, I cannot change my brain chemistry beyond what the medication does...I'mn trying to break annoying brain habits but people trying to push my buttons doesn't help so vamoose with that s'il te plait)
-I'm sometimes egotistical (how you missed the dorkass strutting is beyond me)
-I want/like attention and I'm not content to be perpetual support with an uncredited role (no, I'm an egotist, lol)
-I'm just not that awesomesauce after all (durr durrrrrr)

And I am sitting here going, "If you missed any of this, you were really not paying attention around me at all." Like how has any of this "come to light' when it's sitting on the table staring them in the face like a cat who knows it shouldn't be up there? It's not like I hide this shit! People seem to be assigning me a capacity for guile that is just NOT PRESENT in the actual me by any stretch of the imagination. Like I said, nubsauce.

It's actually not my fault if people choose to set up some weirdass imaginary 'Yukie' box to me in their heads, one with minimal relation to the reality of me, and I don't fit in the box; it's also not actually my fault if they get all worked up into total angerbiscuits when I don't fit in the box.

I AM NOT THAT GREAT OF A PERSON SOMETIMES and ya know what I don't bloody care how buttfurious that makes these people who make a career out of kidding themselves about me, because nobody is a great person all the time. I'm human and fallible and sometimes dense. I learn from my mistakes, but sometimes I'm pretty dense.

And I'm fine with that now. Perfectionism was choking me to death and I'm doing my damnedest to exorcise it, and part of that entails accepting the fact that I'm fallible and sometimes a dumbass and I cannot possibly be perfect ever. And that's actually fine. That doesn't make me unworthy.

People who think it does are welcome to get out of my life.

I am not perfect, I never will be. I can learn from my mistakes, apologize, get back up and keep moving, work on X thing more for next time--but I will never be perfect, and...well, SCHMEH. XD I'll continue to do my best at everything, but people who expect me to be perfect can expect zero damns given from here on out.

I'm not beating myself into dust for not fitting in an arbitrary-ass box.