Hmm. I'm trying to come up with some pithy metaphor about having to fight your four times before I got the script right to have you join my party (yeah I had a hard time with Yuffie) but failing. Sorry. <3
Yufie seems to have repeatedly face-poolnoodled a ton of people I know.
But yeah. It's like - I know death is an awkward subject, I know people aren't often sure what to say (because I'm sorry can sound like i means nothing), but it feels honestly like I'm expected to give my all, all the time, for EVERYBODY, and when bad things happen to me I'm to bite my tongue and shut up and endure because asking for help is so ~*selfish of me*~ and mourning is *~*such a downer to other people*~*...
Touchy babies. Dear, sweet touchy babies. NO ONE likes to think about mortality, but if I've been doing it since I was twelve, surely you biggum stwongz peepul can do bettah den dis widdle kweempufft (she said, pointedly eyeing the helium-heads who think they're the only REAL person on earth and/or that my taking joy in small things makes me a fucking idiot)?
tl;dr when the shit comes down, I have precious few who give a damn. People will defend racists against me, lolifucks against me, homophobes against me - I'm not allowed to be angry or mourn - I have to beg and grovel for fucking years to get a halfassed apology -
I've discovered recently that a ton of my 'friends' are not, and probably never were.
People say 'you make it look easy' and 'i didn't know you needed help, you always seem to be okay alone' and on and on... It looks easy because I've had a lot of practice. A LOT OF PRACTICE.
It's not a crime for me to mourn or say that I need someone, and the next person who implies that it is - seriously, I'm going to go 'fuck it' and let Sirian eat them.
My grandmother was a real person, and so am I. Solipsist fucks online can get bent.
My sorrow is real. I am real. Yes, these -are- real tears, sez Alice.
All the powers of creation will not be able to save the people who pretend otherwise.
(Yes, I am ranting now (though not at you, unless you've suddenly turned to Shinji Ikari style solipsism, in which case I will drop a giant robot on you XD). No, I'm not sorry. It's my GD journal. Y'all are the ones who told me I didn't have to be sorry for ranting. XD Thank you for that.)
I was going to say something on your post about your grandmother, but for some reason I thought it was closed to comments. I am sorry for your loss, though, and you're more than entitled to be upset about it. People who don't get that can fuck off and die.
And I'm glad you're not apologizing for ranting anymore. You shouldn't. :)
...What the - ballsack asshole cracksauce I was trying to SCREEN not disable.
...I did it on the LJ one too. XD;
And thanks. It means a lot to me when people say 'fuck the weenies, you are allowed to cry.' (And Nii will now go, 'all of us kept telling you that.' Yes dear I know.)
The apologizing fits are - pretty much because my dad used to have these big vying-for-the-oscar huffy routines when I displayed annoyance or anger for AGES. "OMGZZZZZZZZZ D:{" yes dad, tiny woman is annoyed, it is not that big a deal XD
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branchandroot
no subject
Date: 2010-02-03 07:07 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-02-03 03:02 pm (UTC)But yeah. It's like - I know death is an awkward subject, I know people aren't often sure what to say (because I'm sorry can sound like i means nothing), but it feels honestly like I'm expected to give my all, all the time, for EVERYBODY, and when bad things happen to me I'm to bite my tongue and shut up and endure because asking for help is so ~*selfish of me*~ and mourning is *~*such a downer to other people*~*...
Touchy babies. Dear, sweet touchy babies. NO ONE likes to think about mortality, but if I've been doing it since I was twelve, surely you biggum stwongz peepul can do bettah den dis widdle kweempufft (she said, pointedly eyeing the helium-heads who think they're the only REAL person on earth and/or that my taking joy in small things makes me a fucking idiot)?
tl;dr when the shit comes down, I have precious few who give a damn. People will defend racists against me, lolifucks against me, homophobes against me - I'm not allowed to be angry or mourn - I have to beg and grovel for fucking years to get a halfassed apology -
I've discovered recently that a ton of my 'friends' are not, and probably never were.
People say 'you make it look easy' and 'i didn't know you needed help, you always seem to be okay alone' and on and on... It looks easy because I've had a lot of practice. A LOT OF PRACTICE.
It's not a crime for me to mourn or say that I need someone, and the next person who implies that it is - seriously, I'm going to go 'fuck it' and let Sirian eat them.
My grandmother was a real person, and so am I. Solipsist fucks online can get bent.
My sorrow is real. I am real. Yes, these -are- real tears, sez Alice.
All the powers of creation will not be able to save the people who pretend otherwise.
(Yes, I am ranting now (though not at you, unless you've suddenly turned to Shinji Ikari style solipsism, in which case I will drop a giant robot on you XD). No, I'm not sorry. It's my GD journal. Y'all are the ones who told me I didn't have to be sorry for ranting. XD Thank you for that.)
Get in the robot, Yukie
Date: 2010-02-03 07:59 pm (UTC)And I'm glad you're not apologizing for ranting anymore. You shouldn't. :)
Re: Get in the robot, Yukie
Date: 2010-02-03 10:21 pm (UTC)...I did it on the LJ one too. XD;
And thanks. It means a lot to me when people say 'fuck the weenies, you are allowed to cry.' (And Nii will now go, 'all of us kept telling you that.' Yes dear I know.)
The apologizing fits are - pretty much because my dad used to have these big vying-for-the-oscar huffy routines when I displayed annoyance or anger for AGES. "OMGZZZZZZZZZ D:{" yes dad, tiny woman is annoyed, it is not that big a deal XD